I've Found The Answer!

I realized this weekend why I have felt so extremely overwhelmed. I couldn't figure it out because school is going pretty well and the finances are not stressful like they used to be. I have realized that it all started when I got a call from DFCS asking if we are still going through with adopting children out of the foster care system even though we are expecting our fifth child. I obviously said of course, but I have felt so much anxiety since then even though I wasn't thinking or worrying about it. In case you don't know, we got pregnant unexpectedly 5 days after we started our paperwork to adopt. I have a desperate heart for all the children of the world who need a good home and I don't feel like just because we are having another child it makes an orphan's need any less real. Any time I thought that it would be too much I reminded myself that those kids still need a home and we both felt that we had been called by God to adopt siblings domestically. But I still struggled daily with wondering if I was even a patient enough mom for my own kids, much less new ones that would need special attention because of the circumstances that they have gone through. This only spiraled downward because I never took time to pray about it because I didn't even realize there was a problem. I felt overwhelmed, but I thought I was just pregnant, busy, homeschooling and all that usual stuff. The other night, a friend said she had a vision of me drowning in shallow water. I knew right then that those were the words to put to the feelings I had and I remembered getting that phone call to see if we would still adopt. Still knowing that the need to adopt is still there, I knew I had to start praying about this because I was getting pretty confused. The next day I remembered that when Tonya and Landon were getting ready to start their paperwork to adopt, Tonya felt for sure that she was pregnant. Then when she found out that she wasn't, they made the call to adopt. I realized that maybe for me it was the opposite. Maybe the day we knew for sure was the day to make the call to adopt, it was to prepare me for the pregnancy we were not expecting. Since then I have felt a huge weight lifted from my chest and I can breathe again and enjoy my kids. I still feel that some day we will adopt children out of the foster care system. It may be next year or it may be in ten years, I don't know. I do know that I'm not going to let myself feel guilty anymore about not doing it this week. I'm not giving up just because our biological family is getting bigger. Whatever God has planned for our family, He will supply that need financially and emotionally so when the day comes I know we will be ready. In the meantime, however long that is, I still pray that every orphan could have a home and can come to know Christ to be their healer and savior. I feel better already not having to be stressed about it.